The highlight of the day today was to meet two nuns from Colombia. I was so happy to speak Spanish and be able to do so here. In a strange way, since I got to Mali, I haven't been feeling so good. The place is not making me feel happy.
The people are amazing, and the street scenes as well. But somehow, o don't feel at peace here. Something is bothering me very deeply.
I am not quite sure what it is. But since I left Spain and the Camino, I have not been feeling the same at all. There is something missing inside of me. Aside from Angelina's presence, off course, the energy of the Camino was really something magical. Giving without expecting anything in return. Sharing everything you have with everyone else. All being on the same boat. Walking together. And that magical sentence that we would say to each other day in day out: "buen Camino!".
I know I have been obsessed but my Camino experience since I got to Africa, and I should try to move away from it and leverage that to move forward. It is a work in progress. I think I just never though something like that could ever mark me so deeply. I have experienced numerous things in my life and along my backpacking trip, but without a doubt I can say that the Camino was the most incredible and intense experience.
So to go back to the Colombian nuns, after chatting for a while, and as they were on their way back home after 4 years of Mali, one of them connected me with another Colombian nun down south of Mali in another Catholic mission in a small gold mining village. So I spoke with that nun, Hermana Magdalena. And it seemed that she could use my help in her endeavor. So I am strongly considering going there for some time. After all, I was looking for a project to work on and help. That might just be it. I will however not rush any decision and see in a couple of days.
This morning, because the mission is so close to the cathedral, I decoded to go check it out. During the Camino, Angelina and I went to so many churches, cathedrals and masses. I figured, since I miss her and the Camino so much, it would be a good way to bring me back there for a minute.
Ufff, I didn't expect I would feel that way when I walked up the stairs of the cathedral and entered. It felt hard to breath, like a big ball stuck inside of me unable to get out. I even had tears come to my eyes. Very strong feelings. But somehow, it was almost as if all the emotions I had during the Camino came back and resurfaced, but with more intensity. And so I stayed there, sitting on the back bench reflecting and digesting the emotions...feeling happy about what the Camino have me, but also sad about it being finished.
For a few days now I have been pondering with the idea of cutting my trip through Africa short and heading to Brazil much much sooner.
Since I started traveling with Angelina, and the few times in between, and now without her, only makes me realize that once you have met the right one, there are some things that are just much better done together. Or at least I feel that way. Traveling alone now is not all that exciting. It feels dull almost. Ha! Maybe after actually being with someone for a long time one will feel the total opposite Lol but for now, I just feel like not postponing the start of my life with Angelina until December...quite a dilemma.
On the other end, I am in Africa now, and have always dreamt of being here. I haven't really given a chance to the place yet, so I don't want to be a quitter.
I looked on line for plane tickets, bit they are way to expensive anyway, so that's settles it for now I suppose. But everyday I wonder...perhaps I won't go to Burkina and will head home to Morocco to spend more time with my parents and fond some projects there.
Tonight I had decided to actually attend a mass at the cathedral. Again, to sort of being me back to the Camino and to Angelina. It is finny, because multiple times, during the Camino masses we attended, I was just there, sitting and standing hoping to feel something or at least feel part of it, but no. So after a while I just got over it and just went, because it was part of the Camino and in order to enjoy the full experience.
And the exact same thing happened tonight. I was there without really being there. I would sit and rise, but not pray, sing, or sign myself. The mass was beautiful though. It so happened to be the day when all the priests of Mali were congregating, and so the cathedral was filled with black priests. And so to honor this, the mass had set up multiple songs sang by a live choir. Beautifully moving. I was also surprised by the modesty of the decoration in the cathedral. Almost nothing. Barely any paintings and sculptures. That made me feel better after seeing the opposite in Spain.
When the mass was over, I walked back with the head nun from the mission. At that time a terrible storm road in the city. Apocalyptic! Everything was blowing and flying all over. Thick dusty air took over the pseudo oxygen. And then, as we arrived back at the mission, it started pouring a very heavy tropical rain. Wow! The strength of the downpour was incredible and sudden. But after an hour it was all back to normal...
Voila...quite an interesting day overall I suppose.
Bonne nuit!
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